School Nuggets
Helping You Help Your ChildStress, Motivation and The Evils of Facebook – Teen Interview
Posted by: Sara Carbone on: January 23, 2012
SC: How can parents help unmotivated kids?
SS: I’m someone whose motivation can come in fits and starts. It has to do with if I’m feeling bored in class because there is no challenge I have to rise to. For example, if the class is an easy A, I’ll get a lower grade cause I don’t feel the point of it or the gratification of doing well.
I do better if I have some kind of goal. Kids feel motivated when they have a goal that is meaningful to them, concrete ideas of what it is. Parents can help a kid put things into words that make sense to them. For example, for me science and math were just words on a page. They became important and meaningful when the helped me reframe the material in terms that made it relevant to me. They would also use things like visuals – my dad once explained cell division using hair ties!
Also, kids work less in subjects they struggle in. They go to a hopeless place. They say, “I hate this, I’m not good at it, why struggle with this?” I’ve gotten very bogged down with the idea that I couldn’t do it – a lot of kids feel this way. When your kid gets to that place, sometimes she needs a perspective outside from her parents, to reframe it for her. For example, sit down with her and help her identify what she is doing wrong. Then help her strategize new goals that will hopefully be more successful. I always found that after talking with my parents like that I went from feeling “stuck” to getting this surge of energy and this feeling of possibility as opposed to giving up because I just cant seem to get it right.
One thing I’ve done is to make a list of 25 reasons why a certain goal is important to me and 25 reasons why I’m capable of doing it. If I’m demoralized as I go, I can have that list to look at as a reminder.
February 10, 2012 at 12:45 am
Great interview. It’s wonderful to hear directly from a child about their experience.
I wonder, in the case of my stepdaughter: She’s remarkably bright, and attending a pretty good public school. We can not afford to send her to a private school but she tells us she’s bored. She gets straight A’s and is in all the honors classes the school offers a freshman. She admits sometimes she doesn’t do the work because she finds it so boring. That’s when we notice her grade slipping to a B. It’s just not interesting to her. We have absolutely no requirements that she get straight A’s. Her father and my greatest wish for her is to enjoy her education and young life in general. It’s terrible to hear her say she dreads sixth period all day because that’s when she has math. Math used to be her absolute favorite class and she just loves the subject. What to do? She is planning to take all the AP classes they’ll let her take next year and move on to a full AP curriculum junior and senior year. We sincerely hope this will meet her academic needs and challenge her. But in the meantime, how can we help keep her from slipping? She’s a perfectly behaved kid (I’m not kidding, really). But in my experience with kids in a large public school, boredom can breed trouble. Looking forward to your feedback. Thanks!
February 16, 2012 at 1:23 pm
Dear Rosa,
I agree that constant boredom can breed trouble. I can understand why you are concerned about this obviously bright girl. My first thought is to meet with her guidance counselor and teachers in the troubling classes (i.e. math). The guidance counselor may know of accelerated programs at the school or in the area. Her teachers might be able to give her extra credit work that challenges her or might even be willing to meet with her one-on-one to work on an interesting project (perhaps that she chooses with the teacher). At least this way, her school is aware of her boredom and can troubleshoot with you and her on an ongoing basis. Otherwise, I would suggest an educational project or activity outside of school. Take an inventory of what she loves and is curious about when it comes to learning. If she is a busy teen, she can pick one particularly exciting thing. Use this to design or research what is available to her locally or online. Could be anything from an accelerated math intensive or class on how to build a robot to writing an article for the local newspaper on an animal or author she loves. Sometimes using her “school skills” out it the real world can help keep her engaged in class. Good luck!